Amelia James Poetry

you called me brave
when i stood by you.
when i fought for us.
when i swallowed my doubts
and made excuses for your distance.

you said i had this strength
you’d never seen before—
how i held things together
while you slowly let go.
how i kept believing you
even when your stories didn’t line up.

but the second i stood up
for myself—
the second i asked
what i already knew—
you looked at me like i was the problem.

like the truth
was some kind of betrayal.

i didn’t have it in me to go with grace.
not after the gaslighting.
not after the lies.
not after you let me carry the guilt
for asking questions
you didn’t want to answer.

and you still kissed her
like it didn’t cost me everything.
like i hadn’t waited
for the version of you
that never showed up.
like i didn’t lose pieces of myself
trying to prove
you were worth the hurt.

you called it drama.
called me crazy.
said i was overreacting.
but i wasn’t.
i was just done pretending
it didn’t hurt.

and maybe you did love me—
but only when i was easy to love.
only when i stayed quiet.
only when my bravery
looked like silence.

i’m still unlearning the version of love
you taught me to accept.

-Amelia James